Back again! New month, new blog post! I bet you didn't think that was going to happen right? And well, I'll not lie - I did have another blog post here recently but I just deleted it because it was GRUMPY in the worst possible way. I tapped it out during a time a few weeks ago when I was in a really dark space and now look back and think "there ain't no time for that!" - so it's gone, let us move on shall we?

The challenge is about the days since then and what I've been up to through the past few weeks, as well as a bit of a chit chat about what is to come. And the challenge really does begin in the tail end of 2020, December I think, when I spied one of the local fitness stores post on social media about something called The Frozen Feet Challenge. They had started this challenge a couple of years back I believe, in a way to encourage people to get outdoors even in the colder months when many are prone to slobbing out the start of the year on the sofa. It sounded like something I could do and so I signed up for this challenge which began on January 9th. One mile or more, outdoors, running or walking for SIX WEEKS - no excuses, no whimpering inside if the weather turned to crap, no skipping a day here and there. It was something to commit to and, well, I've really missed having something to commit to.

I knew that the weather was going to be my enemy and thus shopped accordingly - I hit my favorite online retailer and might have purchased more thermal underwear than I've ever owned in my life, ordered mittens, gloves, fleece balaclavas, socks, hand and feet warmers, more thermals lined with fleece and snow boots. And I don't regret buying any of those things because boy oh boy I have used them and then some. Now I might understand that people would ask "why put yourself through this kind of insanity?" and in the beginning, I'd really not have been able to give them a solid answer. All I knew is that I wanted to do it and why not give it a go?

Over the past six weeks, I made that commitment to the challenge and to myself and now have some solid answers and a clearer picture as to why I took it on, what I have gained from it and how this experience has helped me through the ups and downs of life. And it pulled me out of a dark place and back into something that felt a little more normal. And while I'll not bore you senseless with a recap of every walk, the summary of it is this:

I needed a purpose and I needed something to keep me going. Each day I got up, layered up with all my clothing and left the house no matter what the weather had in store for me and I just did it. Some days I walked a little over the minimum of a mile, some days I trekked on for as long as I felt I could. Some days I walked with a friend, some days I walked with my darling husband, most days I walked alone and I was NOT going to let anything stop me from completing this challenge. I walked in rain, I walked in sunshine, I walked in temperatures that made me question my sanity, I slid along roads covered in ice and snow, I meandered through the parks nearby and marveled at the things I saw. There were a few days where the symptoms of peripheral neuropathy made this challenge extremely difficult and nearly stopped me in my tracks. But I battled on and refused to admit defeat.

Each day, I would get home and record my milage on the challenge website and then I would post a photo or an update in the social media page where the other participants were doing the same, all of us wanting to stay accountable and showing that we were sticking with it no matter what. We cheered each other on and in doing so, we started to feel the sense of camaraderie that many of us had missed during 2020 when life felt canceled and gatherings were no longer appropriate. Through 2020, all the races we'd signed up for had been canceled which was frustrating given that we felt physically capable of doing all those things and had discovered how much we enjoyed them in the year previous.

The past six weeks has given me a lot of time to think, reflect and battle the things that have been bothering me and while these walks have not cured all ills, nor solved all the things, it HAS helped me sort a lot out and I feel far better for it. I realized that I struggle with what I've coined "FOC" - fear of cancellation. After so much of 2020 being cancelled, I now find myself really struggling with making plans of any sort because of FOC. Even the smallest or most tentative plans are met with much hesitation because if they get cancelled, I find myself falling back into that dark place and want to retreat from people even more. And that's something I'll need to work on - something that may be easier to handle when the weather warms and I'm less cooped up. And the walks that I've taken over the past 6 weeks made me realize that in some aspect, this is the first thing I've really had control over for a while and that the commitment that I made to myself can never be cancelled. I've found I'd rather be alone than let down and as long as I can keep on walking, my world isn't as small as I let it become.

Which then brings me to the challenges ahead, now that this frozen feet business has come to an end, I was a little nervous that I'd slip back into my angry little ball of self without something to strive for or look forward to and again, this is where I've realized that it's up to me and me alone to set the challenges for myself, to follow through on them and to trust in myself that I can do the things I want to do without fail. And that has been such a gift, to know that whatever comes, I'll be able to face it all head on and it will be okay. And also, fleece thermal underwear is awesome. It's like fabric that hugs the legs and the bum.

When we came to the final day of the challenge, we all took off out of our homes - why I even played the theme song to Chariots of Fire as I pulled on my boots and I laughed like mad before setting off on my walk. And I came home and recorded my stats, posted photos in the social media group and then slowly.....the penny dropped.....it WASN'T the last day of the challenge. And I wasn't alone with that realization. After much kerfuffle and confusion, it was confirmed that the last day of the challenge was TODAY. How easy it would have been to just say "screw it" and not get up today and hit the streets. But that would have not been honoring the commitment I made to myself and it would have been an insult to all of my comrades who've been on this journey too. I didn't want to let them down, and I didn't want to let myself down. As someone struggling with "FOC", I know the disappointment and refused to do that to myself.

So I got up and took that walk and I'm glad I did because today, it finally felt complete. I walked alone, I watched the skies shift and change, I listened to the birdsong, I saw the trees showing signs of Spring and today I felt at peace with everything. Today also marks the third year of my beautiful Grandma leaving us, three years since she gained her wings and I'd like to think as I trekked along this morning, she was watching over me. Which made today feel like it was the right day for this challenge to be over. And with that, it is done. I can give myself a pat on the back and be glad for what I've done because not only has this been important for my physical health, it's been so important for my mental health. I'm a pretty tough old boot but even the toughest of boots can wear out without some TLC. 

Now what?

Well, I'm ready to let my feet take it easy for a day or so, I'm ready to spend more time on the treadmill and sweat it out indoors. I'm ready to formulate new challenges for myself and stick to them - whether it be fitness or things that affect me emotionally.  Business or personal, I'll tackle each challenge like it's the most important thing in the world and give it the commitment it deserves. I'm stepping away from things that bother me and stepping towards things that create happiness. It's time to protect me and mine, and get through this year with a stronger sense of what I want to achieve and how to do it during these strange times. It's not going to be smooth sailing and no doubt there will be times when I get grumpy again but when I do, I know what will help. 

Get up, take one step, then another. Set a goal, smash the shit out of it and repeat if needed. Because challenges aren't made to be easy - if they were, they'd not be a challenge right?

So there you have it. The Challenge. Done and dusted and in case inquiring minds want to know, yes I'll be signing up for next years - because....well.....fleece underwear equals bum hugs. And because I can.

Just keep walking.

Sam.