What do you define as "home"? A place you grew up in? Where you live now? The house you currently reside in? There are so many definitions of home and it can mean something different to all of us. So I am dedicating this weeks blog to talking about home since it's something that is on my mind often.

I struggle with my personal definition of home since I am a nomad at heart and have never really settled in one place long enough aside from the town I grew up in and the here and now of Ohio. The years in between are a blur of houses, flats, apartments, towns and many housemates of which were varied, sometimes great and sometimes not so great.

Once upon a time I did a count of all the places I'd lived in but as the years pass, the memories get a little blurry although that could be credited to the mass quantities of alcoholic beverage I consumed between the legal age of 18 and my late 20s. Ah good times!!!! I often regret many of the choices I made as far as living quarters go (sharing a house with an English gal, a Turkish guy and a ton of roaming backpackers was not my finest hour) but there were also some gems (my last home in Australia - a house on the beach and two great housemates made for fond memories).

Arriving in the USA, my first "home" was a studio apartment in which we moved out of the day we were married (I literally was unpacking boxes in my wedding dress) and we settled into a little ground floor one bedroom apartment not far out of Seattle. This was fine enough except for the soul sucking cost of rent and the fact we had people sauntering past our door and windows at all hours which made it feel like we were in a fishbowl. After a decent amount of time, we decided to look for cheaper accommodations and something a bit more suitable for our needs which led us to the wonderful town of Port Orchard - about an hour out of Seattle which wasn't the smartest choice as far as commutes go but it was much cheaper rent and gave us a home that was so unique that we always remember it with a lot of fondness.

Our little lodging was a small two story cottage built on pilings over the water and it looked across the bay to the Bremerton Shipyard - the rent was cheap and while the house was not in the best condition, it was solid and had the most spectacular views and best of all, the town of Port Orchard was just a 15 minute walk down the road. We had a lovely deck that we could sit on and watch the tide roll in and out - two tiny bedrooms, a oddly large laundry room and the smallest dining room that could only seat two but had three large picture windows that made sitting in there a surreal and magical time. The bathroom faced the main road and had a window which was always a little nerve racking when people strolled by and we had to walk our darling dog Jack numerous times every day but still, it was such a happy place and my memories there are all the best. Listening to the water roll under the house at night, the otters snacking away which provided an interesting sound track, Jack gazing at the salmon leaping along the waters edge during salmon season and the sea lions bobbing away in the water. Watching the air craft carriers heading off in the time following 9/11 - I'd be in the living room and would sense something - a large looming presence passing by and I'd glance out the window and see those big grey floaters moving across the bay. The honks of cars and cheers of people lining the waterfront as they returned. I fell in love with America by that stage - the sense of patriotism and unity made me feel secure.

It was a pretty unique time, a unique place and I miss it dearly. And folks, no matter what they say, the weather isn't always crappy in Seattle or Washington State - I can attest to that and even if the weather was mildly shit, it was so beautiful there, it didn't really matter.

But still, we struggled along and the dreams that all newly weds have of owning a home just never felt achievable. So when the offer of a job in Ohio came and the chance to be near my in laws, well it seemed like the best option for us. Cost of living was cheaper and we could enjoy the change of seasons (yep, you can start laughing now).

I've no regrets - it's been such a pleasure to have family here (I have great in laws!), we could finally buy our first house (spent ten years putting lipstick on this pig), we had great care for our beloved Jack and have made some incredible friends and memories. We put down roots and finally got to the point where we are no longer struggling. My husband and dogs are my world and being with them is all I need.

But is it home?

For two people who have always been infused with a sense of adventure and grew up moving around a considerable amount, it feels a little weird to be so firmly planted in one place - especially a place that we have never felt 100% comfortable in. And I ask myself often "Where is home?". Is it where I grew up - Jamieson? Thats the home of my past and while it is imprinted on me as much as a tattoo would be, I couldn't imagine going back there now and feeling like it's home. Too many years have gone by. I hope to get back there when I turn 50 and it will be such a wonderful experience to show my husband the place where I spent much of my youth but sadly, it may only remain home of my heart.

Is it Frankston, the last place I lived before moving to the USA? I don't think so because while I have memories of there and loved my home with the ocean view, too much has changed there and it too just remains a pleasant part of my life that I cant return to. I'm glad to have lived there - I experienced so many highs and lows at that stage in life but even on visits back there since I left, it no longer feels like home - just an interesting place that I lived in once upon a time.

Is home where my parents are? Well, they moved around some after I left the bosom of the childhood home and are now settled in Queensland and while my heart is always with them and I want to be with them so much, Queensland feels like a strange alien planet to me - fun to visit but it does not feel like home in the slightest. While the idea of a tropical climate does appeal, the snakes and other nasty critters are less than desirable. To quote my beautiful niece "I'd have to wear stilts when I visit" - I'm glad my parents are there and it's just a joy to visit and see this unusual part of their life but the only thing that makes me feel at home there is watching my Mum do her routine and laundering - the comforting knowledge that she is so careful about how she hangs out the washing and has been doing it the same way since I was a child, seeing Dad stretched out on the couch "reading" a novel (in other words, enjoying a nap) and listening to Dad stir a spoon in a glass of heartburn powder or coffee - the noise of which is rather unforgettable.

Is Australia home? Well, yes - in my heart it is home. Part of my home at least and I feel like I've a foot in two worlds - kind of like an International hokey pokey. You put the left foot in....Australia....you put the left foot out.....and you shake it all about. Right foot into the USA and so on. And now you have the hokey pokey stuck in your heads folks. You are welcome. LOL.

And then there is here. Ohio. Land of the cold because despite my whining over the last few weeks about the weather, it got WORSE!! And why am I whinging about it really? It's winter, it happens every year and it shouldn't be such a shock. But it is and our survival depends on complaining about the cold to friends, strangers, the staff at the grocery store. It's how we get by and since the weather limits our activities, it gives us something to talk about.

I've spent over 10 years now in Ohio, feathering my nest, creating memories, making friends, building a life yet I still yearn for something else. The MOTH and I often have talked of moving on and trying to find a place that suits us better and I sure wouldn't sneeze at the thought of being in a warmer climate but alas just when my hopes border on becoming a reality, dreams change and wither like an Ohio garden in the dead cold of winter. And I start to lose a little hope. I get older and my dreams start to freeze.

You see, we sometimes feel a bit like outsiders here - not lived here long enough to be locals but too long to be transient. And of course there is the no child business - sometimes not having a child is the equivalent of social leprosy. Now we made that choice and we are more than fine with it but still, to feel excluded from certain aspects of the social game because we don't have 2.5 children is disheartening to say the least. And thats not something just corralled to Ohio, thats something we will face no matter where we go. 

We are not dreadfully conservative, nor are we extremely liberal - we have our own views, our own lifestyle and sometimes that doesn't mesh well with the people around us. So we walk tentatively through life, careful not to tread heavily in some aspects as to not offend. And more often than not, I feel we are covering ourselves and not being comfortable or allowed to just be us. That thought brings me no happiness and I wonder at what point in life, that we will feel at home.

Well, what a cheerful blog this week?!!! So maybe now it's time to move on to something a little more superficial and lighthearted because honestly, I'm a little tired of the inner self that dips to the dark side. Bad inner self - cheer up buttercup and be a glow worm!

So lets talk about that Pinterest thing some.....yes, I've attached myself to Pinterest like a Grey's Anatomy addict. And while I no longer feel comfortable dreaming of moves and changes, I can dream about arts and crafts right? Like making stuff from plumbing pipe - yeah! From toilet roll holders to closet storage, that plumbing pipe can pretty much do it all. Even wine bottle holders which would be nifty if I still drank like a fish. 

As long as I reside in this house and call it home, I question so much about what I do to it. The pig was built in the early 1960s, it's a small ranch style home and if I could go back in time and shoot the architect, I would. But it's still our little pig and I must tend to it the best I can and I hope that this year will bring the time and means to fix it up proper. Which may or may not include a plumbing pipe toilet roll holder.

I've spent many years following trends and styles or whatever suits my fancy - I've done the shabby chic thing much to the dismay of the MOTH. The french country thing (red and white cafe curtains and all things Parisian), the early 2000s eggplant and sage green color combo (Oh god, I even had a purple toilet seat cover!!!) and now I'm finally settling into what I really like which is things old, things with character and an odd mix of industrial style with a dash of modern thrown in for good measure. And if I had the freedom to really go nuts, I could only define the style I hope to achieve as "Modern Farmhouse" which is not easy to attain in a 1960s ranch house pig. I've always regarded the mid century modern style very highly and would love to go that route but my love of shabby crap is too strong to resist. I yearn for a house with vaulted ceilings, a tri level perhaps but then I also long for a place with a bit of character, kind of like an Australian style farmhouse with a bull nose verandah and a entry hall way with tongue and groove boards lining the walls.

Then just to confuse myself even more, I think about something very modern and minimalistic with a loft appeal. Thats when my head explodes and I feel myself on the verge of a midlife crisis. I just know I don't want cookie cutter - a house built in one of those sprawling estates with no fences, no suitable outdoor entertaining space - pretty much anything built from 1980s to now. It's fine for some, just not for me. I look at that type of home - big houses with little personality, with a ton of tiny chopped up rooms and an ugly back deck tacked onto the rear of the house that looks like a sad afterthought. No thanks!

So what do I do? Do I dare dream about finding something that suits the aesthetic of the MOTH and myself? Do I look at the pig and say "that'll do pig, that'll do" and do my best to spruce the pig up and make it our own personal prize winner? I'm leaning more towards the latter since that alluring temptress known as Pinterest encourages me that it's possible to slap glitter on the pig and make it look good. But I shall confess in the here and now, despite placing myself into reality, I'll always hold onto a tiny seed of hope that the place we want as our home will happen someday and that no matter where it is, whether it be Ohio or elsewhere, it will truly feel like home both visually and emotionally.

Be sure to let me know your thoughts on your home and how you make your place in the world whether it be in decor or socially. Are you a feather in the breeze or the roots of a tree, firmly planted?

And on that note, I'm off to clean a pig. Until next week my friends and please, stay warm! xxxx

P.S. It could take me much extra time to tell you about that cake in the photo at top but to speed things along, it was a recipe I found on Pinterest. Cream cheese filled banana bread - a little messy to make but so worth it. I added my own twist by throwing in a bit of nutmeg into the ingredients to add more shazam and then made a quick glaze by slopping some icing powder together with a bit of cinnamon, golden syrup and water. Honey would be great too instead of golden syrup. Anyway, google the recipe but if you don't feel like doing that, feel free to send me a message and I'd be delighted to send you the recipe in return.